


Life and Death and Love and Birth

by CupOfEarleGrey



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bickering, Character Death, Childhood Trauma, Disabled Character, Domestic Fluff, Dorks in Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Falling In Love, Grief/Mourning, Jealousy, Loneliness, M/M, Muggle/Wizard Relations, Mutual Pining, My First Work in This Fandom, Past Relationship(s), Psychological Trauma, Romantic Angst, Severus Snape is a bastard, Sexual Tension, this some intense angst but i promise its soft too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:55:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26664781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CupOfEarleGrey/pseuds/CupOfEarleGrey
Summary: Thirty-four year old widow, Angela McGoldrick, finds herself out of work due to injury. As she comes to terms with the accident, she struggles to find new meaning in her life. That is until rumours of Voldemort's return captures her attention and her path for justice leads her to the Order of the Phoenix, and right into the arms of so-called notorious mass murderer, Sirius Black.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 14
Kudos: 23





	1. The Return

Angela sat rigid in her seat, staring out of the café window, waiting. Heavy rain streamed down the glass and the street, washing away the hot summer dust and cooling the baked tarmac. August would soon be over. In the Muggle world, the end of the scorching summer and the back-to-school season were all they had to worry about. Things were not so simple for Angela. Dreadful news came at the end of June, news that shook the British wizarding community to their core. According to Albus Dumbledore - Lord Voldemort had returned.

Despite the ministries’ best effort to quell the spread of the news and discredit both Dumbledore and Harry Potter, she was not convinced. While most wished to believe that Dumbledore was losing his marbles to avoid the fear of what his return might mean, Angela couldn’t allow herself to lean into a comforting narrative and deny the possibility without absolute proof. If the only two people who ever truly stood up to him claimed he was back, then he must be back. What could they possibly have to gain from lying?

Her search for the truth is what led her to the little café in this quiet muggle town. It certainly wasn’t for the tea. A cup of it stood on the doily covered table in front of her, untouched and now quite cold. Her focus was entirely on the street outside as it had been since she arrived, forty minutes ago. It was the earliest she had ever been to a meeting in her life. She turned away from the window to glance up at the clock on the café wall. It was now eleven o’clock.

At precisely the same second, a strange man rounded the corner opposite. A flash of bright purple made Angela look back around so quickly it cracked her neck. Albus Dumbledore was striding up the street opposite her. His silver beard wagged from side to side as he went, holding an umbrella that matched the shade of his vibrant purple suit perfectly. His colourful appearance was almost blinding compared to the grey ambiance outside. Their eyes met as he stopped at the crossing and turned to face her. He gave her a warm smile, which she did not return.

He had come. The creeping sensation of unease she had felt ever since they had arranged to meet, now washed over her completely. Her slender fingers trembled as they reached for her silver cane, gripping the handle so tightly it showed the whites of her knuckles, she steeled herself with a steadying breath. It was going to be okay.

The bell above the door jangled merrily as it swung open to let Dumbledore inside. He paused to shake his umbrella and dropped it into the stand by the door. Angela turned her head slowly around to look at him as the waitress came out from the back to see who had come in.

“Ms McGoldrick, I take it?” Dumbledore asked Angela as he drew near, inclining his head.  
“Hello, Professor.” She forced a smile and gestured for him to join her.  
He pulled out the seat across from her and settled into it, glancing down at the cold cup on the table. The waitress came over to them at once, notepad at the ready and trying not to look too amused by the man’s suit. Without the slightest hesitation, Dumbledore ordered them a pot of tea and a cream cake each. As the waitress shuffled away, Angela found her voice again.

“I didn’t think you would come personally, Professor.”  
“Please, call me Dumbledore.” He waved away her formalities, “Of course I came personally, we have too much to discuss without a game of owls.”  
“I suppose so.” She clenched her jaw, trying to muster the courage to ask the question she desperately wanted to.  
“So, Ms McGoldrick… I believe you called me here to discuss Lord Voldemort.”

Angela gave a nasty shudder at the name, hugging her cane between her knees and closing her eyes. Her nerves were already shaken enough without having to hear his name. But she didn’t tell him off. She had to be brave now, else he would never take her seriously. Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked up into his face with a determined expression.  
“Yes. I want to know if it’s true, prof- Mr Dumbledore. Is he… truly back?”

Dumbledore surveyed her over his half-moon spectacles for a moment, and she stared back at him with her grey-green eyes, waiting.  
“Yes, he’s back.”  
Angela let out a long, slow breath. So it was true. Her greatest fear had finally been confirmed. The tension in her body faded away and a sense of clarity came to her. She knew now what she wanted to do. What she had to do. The real reason she went to such lengths to seek out the truth.

“So what do we do now? How do we fight him?” She asked Dumbledore.  
“Fight Lord Voldemort?” He raised his eyebrows in surprise, “That is quite the suggestion.”  
“What do you mean?” Her voice rose suddenly, eyes widening, “Of course we have to fight him! You can’t do nothing, Professor! You’re the only one who can stop him. You, and Harry Potter!”  
Dumbledore said nothing. He simply fixed her with his bright blue eyes, his expression unreadable. The silence rang in her ears until she couldn’t bear it any longer.

“Don’t tell me you’ve given up. Who cares what the ministry says?! They’ll realise the truth sooner or later!” She had become very agitated, her hands shaking with desperate fury. “You’re the only one who ever stood up to him. You have to do it again! Think of all the people he killed. The loved ones we all lost! We can’t let it happen all over again. We just can’t. I can’t let it happen. I won’t sit idly by like I did back then! I want to help.”

Her eyes were blazing with a fire she could barely contain, her motions frantic. He had to understand. She had to make him.

“I was a healer at St Mungo’s for thirteen years. I know all kinds of useful spells…” She took a deep breath, steeling herself. “I won’t lie. I have a bad leg. I’ll be no use in a fight. But I can help in other ways. Potions, healing spells, charms. I’ll even go out and tell everyone the truth if I have to. I’ll be damned if I’ll let my husband’s murderer rise to power again unchallenged. But I can’t do it alone, Dumbledore. None of us can. I can’t be the only one who wants to fight him…”  
She trailed away, staring. Hopelessness mixed with her fire, extinguishing it. All her hopes had been riding on him wanting to stand up. She thought his determination to push the truth meant he wanted to fight, but now she had her doubts. Perhaps she truly was alone. She broke away from the eye contact, no longer able to bear his piercing gaze. The rain trickling down the window looked like tears on her reflection.

“I can see you are very passionate about fighting Lord Voldemort.” Dumbledore spoke slowly.  
“Of course I am!” She looked back at him, not even flinching at the name, “Stopping him coming to power is more important than anything!”  
“More important than your life?” He asked gravely.  
Angela hesitated for a moment, lips parting. She knew what he was really asking. Then, she nodded.  
“Yes. This is bigger than I am. If my blood will save countless innocent lives, then I will give it.”

“Then Ms McGoldrick, I would like to invite you to join the Order of The Phoenix.” He cracked a warm smile.  
“The Order of… So you are fighting then?” She moved forward in her seat excitedly, giving him a real smile for the first time. “And there are others?”  
“Oh, yes. Quite a few in fact, but not nearly as many as I’d like.”  
“Then I’ll join.”  
“Excellent. Ah, and here’s our tea!”

Dumbledore turned as the waitress arrived, carrying a tray and setting their orders in front of them. She looked between the two, having watched their conversation nervously from behind the counter, before leaving again. Angela picked up her cream filled chocolate eclair and took a bite, only just realising how hungry she was.

“So… what will happen now?” She asked excitedly, eager to get to work.  
“How attached are you to your home?” Dumbledore inquired in kind.  
“Not particularly, I have no family… and no job.”  
“I see. I won’t say that is fortunate as it is not, but I hope this means you don’t mind relocating for the time being.”  
“No. Though I don’t have much money for-”  
“Don’t worry about that.” He smiled again, “Your work for the Order will more than cover you.”

And that was how Angela McGoldrick ended up living at number 12 Grimauld Place, the newest member of the Order of the Phoenix. A position that would prove more complicated and exciting than at first glance.


	2. New Beginnings

Angela peered anxiously into the mirror at herself for the hundredth time. Today is the day she will be officially joining the Order of the Phoenix, and everything has to be perfect. So the loose strands of hair which had detached themselves from her bun wouldn’t do. A quick motion with her wand put them right back into their place.

Her well-loved yellow sweater and knee-length brown skirt felt a little simple for the occasion, but they were the best she could find in her limited wardrobe. Her appearance always came last in the list of necessities, a long-term habit that left her with only a few old and worn clothes. Their sorry state hadn’t bothered her until today. With a resigned sigh, she reached out and plucked the mirror off the wall.

She packed it into her stuffed suitcase, the final bit of home she would be taking with her. The past week was spent packing away all her belongings into boxes or set aside to bring with her. Her apartment grew increasingly empty and lonely as the time went by, now a vacant shell of the home it had been for the past eight years. She was sad to see it go. The rest of her things will be kept in muggle storage until she’s finished with the Order, then she must find a new home.

Not wishing to dwell any longer, she closed her suitcase and locked it with a spell. With another swish of her wand, she levitated it off the bed and down the hall to the front door, following it as it went. She reached for the door handle, then pulled back with a cry of realisation; she had almost forgotten Nebo!

Turning around, she hurried back into her bedroom. An indignant croak met her as she entered, and Nebo glared at her from the nightstand.  
“I’m so sorry, Neb.” She cooed, extending her hand out to the toad.  
With a small huff, he hopped skilfully into her palm and puffed up moodily. Angela gave his head a little rub, slipped him into her pocket and sealed it up. After a quick glance around to double check she had forgotten nothing else, she left.

\---

Once out of muggle eyesight, Angela apparated to a small alleyway near a London underground station. There she caught the train Dumbledore told her about. It took her to a stop nearby headquarters, the location of which he revealed a few days ago, and where she would meet another member for the first time. Dumbledore thought it would be best if they escorted her to the doorstep rather than appear by herself.

The train screeched to a standstill and Angela waited back for the crowd to disembark before she climbed onto the platform herself. As she looked around for a sign of the man she was supposed to meet, he appeared by her side suddenly, making her jump. Unlike Dumbledore, this man would have been difficult to spot in a crowd. His shabby, patched brown suit and light, greying brown hair blended in with the dour station, his impressive height the only thing making him stand out.

“I didn’t mean to startle you.” His voice was soft for such a tall man.  
“Are you Remus?” She looked up at him closely, noting the scars cutting across his face.  
“Yes, I am.” He gave a wry smile, “Did my face give it away?”  
Angela felt herself flush and shook her head,  
“No, I just… assumed. You did approach me.”  
“That I did. I’m glad you were the right person. It would have been awkward otherwise.”

Angela couldn’t help but laugh. There was something about him that made her feel comfortable, which she hadn’t expected. Dumbledore told her all about his ‘condition’ already, and like any healthy witch, she had always feared werewolves. But if Dumbledore trusted him, then she would too. Now was not the time for prejudice.

“Well, you found me. I’m Angela.” She reached out her hand to him.  
“Remus Lupin,” He shook her hand firmly, “It’s nice to meet you.”  
“You too.” She blushed, the warmth of his grip lingering on hers a moment too long.  
“Let me take that for you.” He released her to gesture at her suitcase.  
“Oh, thank you very much.”

She let him take the case, and they left the station together, coming out onto a dingy high street with more boarded-up storefronts than open ones. A powerful scent of tobacco and rubbish wafted from the nearby bins, making Angela screw up her nose as she glanced up and down the street.  
“Is it far from here?” she asked him apprehensively.  
“Not so far,” he glanced at her cane, “Only a few streets away, is that alright for you?”  
“I’m fine to walk.” her words came out frostier than she intended, making her add, “Thank you for asking.”  
“Of course.” Remus smiled, but did not meet her eyes as he turned to walk along the street, Angela close behind him.

“I hear you’re a healer.” Remus spoke up after they turned off the high street into a residential area, tightly packed townhouses lining the road on both sides.  
“I _was_ a healer,” she corrected him, “I was encouraged to retire recently… due to my injury.”  
“I’m sorry, it’s difficult losing a job.”  
“I’m over it. Besides, it means I can put my skills to good use in the Order.”  
“We’re lucky to have you, your presence will put our minds at ease.”

“I can’t heal everything,” she was quick to point out, “but minor injuries, hexes and jinxes I can patch up. More if I have the right potions.”  
“Hopefully that is all we’ll need.”  
“Yes, I’d rather my expertise go unused. Have there been any injuries?”  
“None yet, but it’s only a matter of time,” He frowned darkly, “It’s still early days.”  
“Let’s hope it stays that way for a while yet.”

They turned into another street as her leg gave a foreboding twitch, and entered a square that lined with the same tall, tightly packed townhouses as the other street, except there was a gated park green in the centre. A glance at the street sign told Angela they had arrived at Grimmauld Place. Remus retracted the extendable handle of her suitcase and picked it up off the ground to carry it instead. He made it look easy.

“It will draw less attention.” he explained, mistaking her curious expression for a questioning one.  
He led her up the path and her eyes slid over the house numbers, looking for number twelve. A few houses down, they found it. It looked identical to all the other houses, except that the windows seemed impenetrably dark. She knew only they could see it. Angela glanced at Remus as though asking for permission to climb the front steps.

“Your new home,” he gave her an encouraging smile, taking her suitcase to the top before coming back down to help her climb. Even though it was only a few steps, she appreciated that he made the effort and let him help her, something she rarely allowed.

“Dumbledore told me you also live here.” she said when they reached the top.  
“I do, though I’m away quite a lot.”  
“Why? Where do you go?”  
“I’ll explain when we’re inside. One moment.” he pulled out his wand and waved it at the door which had nothing on it, save for a silver door knocker shaped like a serpent.

The door swung open a few heartbeats later, revealing a long, dark corridor inside. Remus stepped inside without hesitation, bringing her suitcase with him, but Angela did not follow. She stared. The creepy décor and gas lamps lining the walls reminded her of a haunted house she had once been in with her husband, though the scent of decay had been nowhere near as potent. Her eyes fell on an umbrella stand which looked as if it was made out of a severed troll’s leg.

“Ugh… what is this place?” she screwed her face up in genuine disgust  
“Home sweet home, Princess.” it wasn’t Remus who spoke.

A dark-haired man appeared out of a door at the far end of the corridor, coming towards the pair of them. As the light hit his shadowed face, a shock of attraction and recognition went through her. He had changed from the man pictured in the wanted posters. The wild, unkempt hair and beard had been cut back and neatly groomed, his prisoner’s garb replaced with rich fabric robes. But he was still, undeniably, Sirius Black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to my lovely partners who helped dry my blood, sweat and tears, and gave me advice that really made this chapter shine. I couldn't have done it without you ♥


	3. The Princess & The Dog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took an age to write. I haven't written anything like this before so it's a steep learning curve for me. I appreciate your patience and I hope you enjoy!

Sirius loomed closer, his face illuminated by the sunlight filtering through the open door. He stopped a few feet away, their eyes locked on each other. His were a stormy grey, squinting into the light as though he wasn’t used to it, thin brows drawn into a scowl. Angela felt like a wild animal caught in wand-light.

“Not the five-star hotel you were hoping for?” he asked darkly.  
“ _Sirius_ …” Remus said in a warning tone.  
“I wasn’t expecting a hotel.” Angela said calmly, “I also wasn’t expecting to see a troll’s leg in the hallway.”  
“Well, if that shocks you, wait until you see the rest of the house.”

It was her turn to frown, her heart sinking. What had she gotten herself into?

“It’s not that bad.” Remus said, “We’ve done a lot of tidying up over the summer.”  
“This place is still hardly fit to live in.” Sirius growled, “Why has Dumbledore sent her to live with us like this?”  
“This is where she can be the most useful to the Order. We talked about this, Sirius.”  
“I still disagree!”

He tore his eyes away from Angela and began to pace around the hallway in agitation. Remus set her suitcase down with a sigh. Sirius’ reaction to her was making her feel unwelcome. She hesitated on the threshold, wondering if she should even bother coming in if he didn’t want her there.

“It doesn’t matter if you disagree, this is where Dumbledore wants her. If there was an alternative, he would have suggested it.”  
“I want to be here too!” she said defensively, annoyed they were talking about her as if she wasn’t there, “I had my own apartment. I gave it up so I could live here.”  
“Exactly!” Remus smiled warmly at her, “Dumbledore didn’t force you to be here.”

“And did Dumbledore explain what this place is like?” Sirius rounded on her, “Gave you a good breakdown of what to expect?”  
“No, he didn’t.”  
“Of course he didn’t.” he spat, “Probably didn’t want to scare you off.”  
“No offense,” she breathed heavily, “but you’re the one scaring me off.”

Sirius halted suddenly, eyes going wide as he saw her furious expression. Blood was pumping loudly in her ears. Remus looked between the two of them, his face pale and concerned, apparently unsure if he should intervene or not.

“I don’t care if I have to sleep on the kitchen floor, as long as I’m where the Order needs me.” she sighed deeply and looked away, “but if you don’t want me here, then I’ll leave. I’m sure there’s somewhere else I can stay.”

She waited for an answer, sure he was going to send her away. When several seconds passed and no answer came, she looked back at the two men to find they were both staring at her. Sirius looked guilty and Remus clearly uncomfortable.

“I’m not sending you away.” Sirius mumbled, his anger fading. “And you have a bedroom. I spent all week preparing it for you.”  
“So what _are_ you saying?”  
“I’m-” he made a frustrated gesture, as though he was struggling to hold his tongue, and brought his hand to his lips, “Nothing. I’m saying nothing.”

He shot a look at Remus, somewhere between a glare and an apology, and excused himself. He strode down the hall and vanished back the way he’d come, snapping the door shut as Remus called out after him. A deafening silence filled the hall in his absence.

Slowly, Remus turned to face her. He dragged a long-fingered hand through his hair, muttering something under his breath.

“I’m sorry,” he said, even though she knew he’d done nothing wrong, “he’s been in a foul mood all week.”  
“Is this his normal reaction to new members?”   
“No…” he admitted, “but don’t take it personally. It’s not really about you.”  
“Then what is it about?” her temper was rising. Why couldn’t they just be straight with her?

“He’s been locked up in the house for months. It’s not been the nicest place to live either, there are a lot of unpleasant memories for him here. I think he’s afraid Dumbledore is going to keep you cooped up in here with him against your will.”  
“Oh, so he’s making me feel unwelcome out of concern for me, is he?” she snapped.  
“It’s… not intentional.” Remus frowned at her, “Like I said, it’s not really about you.”

But it was about her. Her arrival had triggered their argument, and only existed because she was moving in. They both lived here together already. Why would it matter if she was here too? If anything, she could make the house even more liveable with her cleaning charms. It’d give her something to do other than aimlessly wait around to be useful.

“You still want to live here, don’t you?” Remus asked, a note of sadness in his voice.

She looked in at the ugly umbrella stand, dingy walls and long stairway leading up into the murky depths of the house. Sirius’ words about it being unfit to live in replayed in her mind. She could say no and return to her comfortable, familiar apartment and forget all about this place and Sirius Black. But she thought of her husband, and the reasons she was here.

“I do.” she said, stepping over the threshold at last.

The sunlight streaming through the open door vanished as it swung shut automatically behind her, throwing the corridor into gloomy half-light. Magical locks clunked into place. The hall felt dense and claustrophobic, giving Angela the distinct impression she’d just sealed her fate.

\---

Remus led her down to the kitchen. The large cavernous room took up most of the basement floor, the dingy brown walls were lined with scuffed old cabinets and counters, a rustic black stove at the far end. Sirius was bending over beside it, pouring freshly boiled water into a silver teapot. A long table stretched the length of the room, over a dozen chairs crowding around it in a state of disarray.

Compared to the hall upstairs, the kitchen was pleasant. A large fire burning in the brick fireplace filled the room with warmth. Angela’s chilly hands started to thaw as they moved into the room. 

“This is where we have most of our meetings,” Remus said.  
“How often are the meetings?”  
“About once a week. It depends on what’s going on. People drop by all the time to share news though, we all need to keep each other informed.”

He pulled out a chair for her by the fire, waiting for her to take her seat. Then he sat down beside her and shrugged off his suit jacket, draping it over the back. Angela found her eyes following his motions, admiring the way his shirt shifted against him with his movements. 

Sirius cleared his throat loudly. He’d approached the table, heavy tea tray in his hands, without her noticing. She felt herself grow hot as he pushed the tray towards them. A plate of biscuits accompanied the teapot, sugar bowl and three cups. 

“Shall I pour the tea?” Remus suggested happily, reaching out for the pot.  
“Better you than me.” Sirius dropped into the seat opposite them heavily.

She watched as he swung back on his chair as though he wanted to be as far away from her as possible, his grey eyes fixed on the ceiling, arms crossed over his broad chest. 

Remus poured them all a cup of tea. She cupped her hands around the warm porcelain, enjoying the familiar feeling. It felt odd to sit in a kitchen as big as her entire apartment. She wondered how large the other rooms in the house were, and how many of them there are. There had to be at least three bedrooms if they were all living there, unless the two men shared.

“How many bedrooms are there?” she asked Remus, “Does anyone else ever stay over?”  
“There’s seven, four of them occupied if we include yours.” he explained.  
“Four? I thought only you two lived here.”  
“I have a hippogriff in my mother’s old bedroom.” Sirius said, as though this was normal.  
“A… hippogriff?” she stared at him, open-mouthed, “inside?”  
“Yes, inside. Where else would I keep him? In the park over the road?”

She wanted to tell him he probably shouldn’t keep one at all if it meant locking him up, but decided it would be better to keep her mouth shut, and gave a non-committal shrug instead. He narrowed his eyes at her.

“So, uh, be careful if you go in there.” Remus smiled awkwardly, “As for the other rooms, we get people sleeping over sometimes but most have their family to get back to.”  
“I see.”

An uncomfortable silence fell after his words. They were the only ones in the Order who had nowhere better to be. Most of her living relatives were muggles who she rarely saw, now that they had families of their own. They weren’t part of her world. It was only her mother who’d miss her now, and they hadn’t gotten along since her father died. Remus likely had no one because of his condition, and Sirius was a convicted murderer on the run. They were all alone.

“How come you don’t have a family?” Sirius asked her suddenly.

She looked up at him in surprise and Remus sucked in his breath sharply.

“I mean,” he hurried to elaborate before she got the wrong idea, “you’re not like me. You can have a normal life, why don’t you?”  
“Because my husband was murdered by you-know-who.” she said bitterly, glaring over at him with growing dislike.

Everything about his attitude stank. The way he’d made her feel unwelcome before even introducing himself, acting as though he could barely stand her presence, and now this. It made her angry. She couldn’t imagine ever getting along with him if this was how he chose to behave.

“I-” his expression fell, eyes widening in horror as he looked at her, “I’m sorry… I didn’t know.”  
“Well, now you do.” she looked down at her shaking hands, feeling like the world was crumbling around her.

There was another silence, and she knew the two men were exchanging looks. Everything had been going fine until they’d come into the house. She liked Remus, they’d gotten along well. He’d probably look down on her now for her outburst. People always did.

“I know what it’s like to lose someone you love to Voldemort.” Sirius said quietly, “I’m sorry I brought it up. It was… rude of me.”

She could hear a familiar pain in his voice and knew he meant it. They’d both lost someone in the war. She looked up at him, her anger draining away as she caught sight of his face. He looked pale and deeply ashamed. Perhaps she’d misunderstood his intentions.

“It’s okay.” she shrugged.  
“It’s not okay…”  
“I’m done talking about this.” she pushed her unfinished cup away from her, “Can I see my room now?”

She wanted to be alone for a while. All this travelling and talking and arguing. She was tired of it. Sirius leapt up quickly, as though he’d been waiting for her to say this.

“I’ll show you where it is.”

Her heart sank. She’d much rather Remus was the one who’d offered. Being alone with Sirius was the last thing she wanted now. But when she shot Remus a nervous glance, he pretended not to notice and took a large gulp of his tea instead. She had no choice.

\---

The stairs creaked underfoot as they ascended. Sirius led the way, her suitcase gripped in his right hand as though it weighed nothing. They hadn’t spoken to each other since leaving the kitchen. The silence felt oppressive. They reached the first floor landing. It was as dark as the rest of the house, the elaborate wallpaper stained beyond recognition by years of dust decay, the carpet at their feet was moth eaten but clean. Three black doors went off the hall and another set of worn stairs led up to the floor above.

“The parlour is in there.” Sirius broke their silence, pointing to the door closest to them. “Feel free to use it as much as you want, it’s one of the cleanest rooms.”  
“Okay, thank you.”  
“That’s the bathroom.” he pointed at one of the doors to the right, “There’s a shower and toilet in there. If you want a bath, you’ll have to go up to the floor above. It’s a pretty good one.”

He strode across the landing to the last door, pushing it open and standing back to let her in before him. The room inside was bigger than she’d expected. A large bed stood against the back wall, covering in a thick duvet and plush pillows. A chest of drawers and a wardrobe were against the opposite wall, leaving the one with the window free from obstructions. A patch of cloudy sunlight fell on a stained standing mirror as tall as she was.

She stepped further into the room to run her hand over the bedsheets. It needed a spruce up and spring clean, but it was a pleasant room. There was nothing to complain about.

“I like it.” she smiled.

Sirius sighed with relief and set down her case by the door. His tall frame obscured the hall from view as he stood in the doorway, looking pleased. It was the first time she’d seen him look happy. The effect was breath-taking. All the harshness of his features disappeared to reveal a handsome, friendly face quite unlike the one she’d grown used to.

“Good. I want you to be comfortable.” he said.  
“Do you mind if I change a few things?” she asked, “I bought things from home I’d like to put out, if that’s okay with you.”  
“This room is yours, do what you like with it.”  
“Thank you.”

He gazed at her for a long moment as she stood by the bed. The awkwardness from before seemed to come back to her as he did, remembering their disagreements. His argument with Remus about her staying didn’t seem to make sense now she was standing in the room he’d kindly prepared for her. It must have been a lot of effort.

“If you need anything…” he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “Just shout for me, okay? I’m always here. My room is on the top floor if you need me in the night.”  
“I’ll… bear that in mind.” she said awkwardly, trying not to think too much into it, “Let me know if you need anything too. You know where to find me.”

He took a step closer to her, eyes still locked on her face. There was an intensity to him that hadn’t been there before. It seemed like he had something to say but didn’t know how to say it, or if he even should.

“I’m sorry about what I said earlier.” he said softly, “I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. I didn’t mean to pry into your personal life. I was… just curious.”

Her heart started to beat faster suddenly. He took another step towards her and the surrounding air seemed to grow closer. He was a lot taller than her.

“That’s okay. I’m sorry I snapped at you, it’s just a sensitive subject for me.”  
“I know. I should have known better.”  
“We all make mistakes…”

A floorboard creaked in the hall outside, making them both jump. He glanced quickly behind him and realised he’d come several feet into the room. The tension had broken.

“Uh, right.” he cleared his throat, “I’m glad we cleared that up.”  
“Yes, me too.” she looked quickly away from him.  
“I’ll leave you to your room then. Let me know if you need anything.”  
“Thank you again, Sirius,” she said his name for the first time, “for the room.”  
“Of course.” he beamed, “Anytime.”

She watched him as he left, and he closed the door quietly behind him. The moment she heard him descend the stairs, she threw herself backwards onto the bed with a sigh. Her heart was pounding. Today had been full of unexpected developments. If this was how life was going to be in the order, she wasn’t sure she’d made a clever choice.

But she couldn’t help but wonder, with a thrill of nervous energy, what developments might occur in the long hours spent alone with Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.

**Author's Note:**

> This work is currently on hiatus, I'll be working on it again really soon! [10/12/20]


End file.
